We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
