Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
