hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Where is the hickey?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
