So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize