My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
