# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
