I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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