I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
