We're like a lot better than the average bears
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
