It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
