Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
