At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize