Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
