We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
