I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I can't put those talents on a resume
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
