Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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