i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
