you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
