Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
