its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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