i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
