Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
