Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
