We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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