I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
