you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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