he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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