the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize