just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
