Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
