I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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