...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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