i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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