he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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