We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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