im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
