I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
