i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize