hotel room ftw
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
