its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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