I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
