Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
