i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
