Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
