Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
