i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize