Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
