what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
