we're blogging at a bar
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
