No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
