a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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