i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
