guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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