i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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