how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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