OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
