I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
