mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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