Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
