Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
