hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize