Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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