hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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